Every time I see an email from you, I cringe and my insides die just a little bit.
I know you think that you are a Very Important Person, but I have observed you many times and have to assure you that you are an average everyday person, just like the rest of us.
In protest to your obnoxious behavior, I will be starting a petition to ask you to cease and desist. Or uninstall Outlook on your computer, I really haven’t decided yet.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand the need you have to express yourself, and can respect your tenacity. But I hope you will understand if I don’t qualify your chain emails, pictures of photoshop’d kittens dressed as pirates, or invitations to your Tupperware party as being very important. I also do not need to be copied on meaningless reports that I can easily run myself.
How can I put this to you in a way that you would understand? Ah, I know just the thing. Have you ever heard the story “The Boy who Cried Wolf”? I think that it sums up my feelings perfectly.
You see, there was once a little boy, a shepherd who always cried “wolf” when he was out with the sheep. Maybe he was bored, or looking for attention, I don’t know. Anyways, at first, his father would come running, only to learn that his son was kidding around. As you can imagine, this was very vexing to the father. Well, one night, a wolf really did come! The boy yelled “wolf!” but the father did not respond because he couldn’t take his son seriously. As a result, the boy and the flock were killed.
I hope you can see where I am going with this. I have assumed the role of father in this scenario and am sick of you crying wolf.
I confess, every high importance email you send is ceremoniously ignored. Indeed, I will purposely wait to follow through on your email until I have taken care of absolutely everything else on my desk, even hopelessly large, tedious return requests that need approval from the CEO- have been done.
This recently backfired however when you sent a follow up high importance email to check the status of the original email.
All I can say is, thank God you haven’t found me on Facebook.
In summary, do me, yourself and the internet a favor and lay of the red exclamation marks already. If you don’t, I’ll be forced to resort to drastic measures, like throwing your laptop out of the window, and you’ll have no one to blame but yourself.
Sincerely,
Friday After Lunch Team
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